Later that week we went to dinner with them and discussed our local “social” club.  It was decided that they would be interested in tagging along with us for our next trip.  Questions were asked and answered about what to expect from this club, what to wear, etc.  We told them they could leave at any time if they ever felt uncomfortable, etc.  I assured them that I was very, very nervous on my first trip to the club, and I still feel sort of like a fish out of water if we go to the club on a night when no one we know is attending.

 Turns out, they had a blast!  We were fortunate that we had some other friends attending that evening, and everyone went out of their way to make our friends feel comfortable, which I really appreciated.  They are certainly not ready to swing yet, and may never get to that point, but they really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere.  How could anyone not have fun at a club where there is porn playing in the background, women walking around in various states of undress, people decidedly enjoying themselves in out-of-the-way-places, and great music?  They told us later they are very interested in returning.

Which got the husband and I talking…  If you are a regular at a social club, you are no longer really “Vanilla” anymore, so what does that make you?  We decided maybe  they were French Vanilla.  Which threw me in to fits of giggles.  We know another couple where she used to play, then fell in love with an ultra conservative guy.  He is crazy for her, and would do just about anything for her… so I think it’s only a matter of time BUT… until then, are they Neopolitan?  Chocolate and Vanilla in happy harmony with a bit of Strawberry in the middle to ease the transition?  We recently met a few couples who are certainly World Class Chocolate.  And I’ve known a few that were Rocky Road too… I could keep going, but I’m sure you get the idea!

So, on to the last to questions from my previous post, which I think are somewhat tied together. (Why I would tolerate it, and how I would tolerate it.) First, even asking why I would tolerate swinging assumes that it’s something he has to drag me to do, which is not always true. It is occasionally more true in our relationship than in others, but there are swinging couples I know where both partners are equally gung-ho, and there are even a few out there where SHE is more “into” swinging than he is. So first, get rid of the stereotype that only guys really like to swing.

Secondly, swinging is something my husband was a part of before he met me. I have never been one of the women who “falls in love with” someone, and then immediately turns around and tries to make them in to someone else. I have never understood that. Not that there aren’t compromises to be made, but I would not ask my husband to give up something that he feels so strongly about without at least trying it first. And there are advantages to swinging as well. In a relationship where we are each free to temporarily bring others that we are attracted to into the bedroom, why cheat?

As to how I tolerate it, as I alluded earlier it isn’t always easy for me. Nothing in a relationship is. If it was, I’d be worried. A good relationship takes work. And don’t misunderstand either, it isn’t that I dislike swinging, and only do it to make him happy. That would not be true. When I find someone I click with, I really enjoy it. But finding where my ( and his) boundaries are meant occasionally testing them a bit. The key to any relationship is communication and honesty, and this goes quadruple for any type of open relationship. Both partners have to be ok with frank discussion… and I think tensions occasionally have to boil over a bit so that the relationship can grow and develop. Anyone looking to get into the lifestyle should keep this in mind- and NEVER get in to swinging to “spice” a stale relationship. That is the equivilent of agreeing to “date other people”. Except, when you agree to do that you both know the relationship is over.

So, swinging takes work. Both as a couple, and as an individual. But in a strong relationship where both parties are willing to work at it, the rewards are SO worth it. I don’t think there is anything sexier than watching my husband share a smoldering kiss with another female, and then knowing that he is watching when she turns and kisses me too. If her husband is watching too, all the better. And I think our relationship in general is more secure. I know I can share anything with my husband, and we can work through anything.

So, first things first… I’m not really sure how we came around to swinging. He had been in the lifestyle before, had even hosted parties. When I met him, he was “dating” a woman he had met through swinging, but I didn’t know about that until later. One of the first actual dates we went on, if not THE first, was to a strip club. Our relationship was so new that his friends didn’t know he was dating someone, and called him up to go to a club. Since I was sitting on his couch at the time, he told his friend he’d go if I wanted to. I had a friend that was a dancer at another club, so I was comfortable saying yes. Slowly but surely, we worked out that I might be ok playing with another female, even though I had never done that before. Eventually, we were members of some local organizations, and the rest, as they say, is history. Maybe he might have more insight on exactly how it happened. To me, it really seemed as if it just… happened.

But, when I thought about it some more, it made perfect sense.  Before I entered in to the “lifestyle” there was absolutely nothing wrong with my life.  If you had asked me, I would have even told you that my love life was probably spicier than your average gal’s.  If I thought occasionally that I might be missing out on something, it was nothing to be concerned about.  Right?…. right?

But, once you have had chocolate, vanilla pales in comparison.  (Pun only partially intended)  Vanilla is alright, but chocolate- wow!  If all you have ever had is vanilla, then you really don’t know what you are missing.  Don’t get me wrong- chocolate isn’t for everyone, and neither is swinging and certainly BDSM.  In fact, I don’t even know that I’d say that just because you aren’t a part of the lifestyle, doesn’t mean you are vanilla.  I just think everyone should occasionally strive to stretch their limits a little.  And really, I’m not even sure that ”chocolate” is the accurate flavor to use in describing swinging.

Let me tell a short story, and perhaps I can describe it a little better.  A few years back, my husband and I were working together, and a sales rep offered to take us out to dinner.  He lived out of town, but had lived in Austin before, and had a hankering for his favorite retauranet, Z’Tejas.  Now, I have to admit, I’m a simple girl.  I liked dinner just fine, but fancy food is not my fave, but what girl doesn’t enjoy the experience of being wined and dined a little?  Especially when you get ot sit at a table and be the center of attention for two rather attractive males.  So, we finished dinner, and the rep tells us that Z’Tejas makes a chocolate cake that is to die for.  The kicker is- it is made with chiles in the mix. 

Now, I am sensitive to spicy foods.  I avoid them at all costs, which is difficult when you live in Texas.  Foods where other people can feel no heat at all set my mouth on fire.  But, the rep isists that I have to try it.  My husband declines, but the rep eventually talks me in to sharing a piece with him.  The dessert arives at our table, and looks like an ordinary piece of chocolate pie, though nicely presented.  Then I take a bite…. and my knees went weak.  It was quite possibly the best piece of pie I had ever had.  The chocolate melted in your mouth, and though the chiles don’t provide any “heat” they add a spicy, sensual flavor that words just can’t describe.  Sitting across from my husband watching me share this desert with another man was intensely sexual.  If you are ever in the area, swing (ok, pun fully intended there) by Z’Tejas.  Order the “ancho chili fudge pie” eat it slowly, enjoy it, savor it.  And then think of Vanilla.  It is the closest I can come to describing the difference between living in a vanilla world, and living in my world.

I’m 31.  Female.  Ecstatically married.  Two kids from a previous marriage who reside with their father.  Two dogs.  Brown hair, blue eyes, 5’6″.  I’m not going ot give you my weight- I’m female, remember?  That covers the basics.

If you dig a bit deeper, you’ll find that I love to read.  Just about anything will do, with the exception of Thriller, Mystery, and True Crime books.  I enjoy history- especially european history from the Dark Ages to the Renaissance.  I play MMO’s.  I’m incredibly shy around any new person and in any new environment until I get comfortable, but once I get comfortable, watch out.  I like vintage clothes and old houses.  I knit, but I can’t crochet.  I love photography, but you will rarely find me behind a camera.  I never grew out of Sanrio and Morning Glory.  I love music in almost any form.  I like movies, but I can’t watch one without doing something else while I’m watching.  I’m inquisitive- I like to collect knowledge, but I don’t have a degree.

That describes me almost completely.  If you talk to most of my friends, my family, my coworkers, I think they would tell you that is a pretty accurate picture.  But there is an entire part of my life that I share with almost no one except my husband.  We are part of the “lifestyle” underground.  We swing.  And he is a Dominant, and I am a submissive. 

I decided to start this blog because I am very aware of the perceptions that abound regarding couples and individuals who decide to enter this lifestyle.  In any crime show, people who wear leather and carry whips are always the bombs just waiting ot go off.  When I listen to friends talk about “people like that” I always feel the urge to let them know that they just don’t understand.  This blog will hopefully provide an outlet for me, education for the public, and hopefully start a conversation.