A few weeks ago we decided to have a small gathering to celebrate our anniversary.  While we were checking in to the hotel suite we rented for the occasion, we got a call from our closest vanilla friends.  They wanted to g out to dinner.  We explained that we couldn’t, because we were hosting a party.  Now, we go out to dinner about once a week or so with these friends, and while we we aren’t blatant about the lifestyle with them, we also don’t really tell them details either.  We may tell them we went to a party or a club, but no details of what went on at said gathering.  And they have never really asked for more details.  So, they were a little offended that we would have a party and not invite them.  My husband explained what would be happening at the party- and they were fine with not being invited, but their curiosity was piqued.

Later that week we went to dinner with them and discussed our local “social” club.  It was decided that they would be interested in tagging along with us for our next trip.  Questions were asked and answered about what to expect from this club, what to wear, etc.  We told them they could leave at any time if they ever felt uncomfortable, etc.  I assured them that I was very, very nervous on my first trip to the club, and I still feel sort of like a fish out of water if we go to the club on a night when no one we know is attending.

 Turns out, they had a blast!  We were fortunate that we had some other friends attending that evening, and everyone went out of their way to make our friends feel comfortable, which I really appreciated.  They are certainly not ready to swing yet, and may never get to that point, but they really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere.  How could anyone not have fun at a club where there is porn playing in the background, women walking around in various states of undress, people decidedly enjoying themselves in out-of-the-way-places, and great music?  They told us later they are very interested in returning.

Which got the husband and I talking…  If you are a regular at a social club, you are no longer really “Vanilla” anymore, so what does that make you?  We decided maybe  they were French Vanilla.  Which threw me in to fits of giggles.  We know another couple where she used to play, then fell in love with an ultra conservative guy.  He is crazy for her, and would do just about anything for her… so I think it’s only a matter of time BUT… until then, are they Neopolitan?  Chocolate and Vanilla in happy harmony with a bit of Strawberry in the middle to ease the transition?  We recently met a few couples who are certainly World Class Chocolate.  And I’ve known a few that were Rocky Road too… I could keep going, but I’m sure you get the idea!

Well, I sort of cut my last post short. That’s what happens when you are trying to post in the morning before you traipse off to work. You look up, and all of a sudden you realize it’s 5 minutes until you have to leave, and you are still sitting naked on the couch and blogging on the laptop. *Sigh* I tried to talk my husband in to posting or commenting about exactly how he turned his vanilla girlfriend in to his swinging wife, but he was not interested in posting. What was very obvious from our conversation (and from his VERY sexy, sly little grin) was that it was no accident. He definitely had some sort of a “master” plan. Which is somewhat odd to me, because I never really thought about it before. Maybe if you guys beg and plead (he likes that quite a bit, I’m afraid), I can eventually get him to post some suggestions.

So, on to the last to questions from my previous post, which I think are somewhat tied together. (Why I would tolerate it, and how I would tolerate it.) First, even asking why I would tolerate swinging assumes that it’s something he has to drag me to do, which is not always true. It is occasionally more true in our relationship than in others, but there are swinging couples I know where both partners are equally gung-ho, and there are even a few out there where SHE is more “into” swinging than he is. So first, get rid of the stereotype that only guys really like to swing.

Secondly, swinging is something my husband was a part of before he met me. I have never been one of the women who “falls in love with” someone, and then immediately turns around and tries to make them in to someone else. I have never understood that. Not that there aren’t compromises to be made, but I would not ask my husband to give up something that he feels so strongly about without at least trying it first. And there are advantages to swinging as well. In a relationship where we are each free to temporarily bring others that we are attracted to into the bedroom, why cheat?

As to how I tolerate it, as I alluded earlier it isn’t always easy for me. Nothing in a relationship is. If it was, I’d be worried. A good relationship takes work. And don’t misunderstand either, it isn’t that I dislike swinging, and only do it to make him happy. That would not be true. When I find someone I click with, I really enjoy it. But finding where my ( and his) boundaries are meant occasionally testing them a bit. The key to any relationship is communication and honesty, and this goes quadruple for any type of open relationship. Both partners have to be ok with frank discussion… and I think tensions occasionally have to boil over a bit so that the relationship can grow and develop. Anyone looking to get into the lifestyle should keep this in mind- and NEVER get in to swinging to “spice” a stale relationship. That is the equivilent of agreeing to “date other people”. Except, when you agree to do that you both know the relationship is over.

So, swinging takes work. Both as a couple, and as an individual. But in a strong relationship where both parties are willing to work at it, the rewards are SO worth it. I don’t think there is anything sexier than watching my husband share a smoldering kiss with another female, and then knowing that he is watching when she turns and kisses me too. If her husband is watching too, all the better. And I think our relationship in general is more secure. I know I can share anything with my husband, and we can work through anything.

I’ve mentioned that most of my friends and acquaintances have no idea about the private life my husband and I lead. For the few friends that I have eventually gotten around to sharing our swinging with, the comment is inevitably the same “I could NEVER put up with that in MY relationship.” And then I get a bunch of questions- depending on the friend, I sometimes get them rapid-fire, and sometimes worked in to conversations over a period of weeks (even months), sometimes both, but the gist of the questions is always the same. First, how did he get you talked in to that? Then, why would you tolerate that? And finally, how do you put up with that?

So, first things first… I’m not really sure how we came around to swinging. He had been in the lifestyle before, had even hosted parties. When I met him, he was “dating” a woman he had met through swinging, but I didn’t know about that until later. One of the first actual dates we went on, if not THE first, was to a strip club. Our relationship was so new that his friends didn’t know he was dating someone, and called him up to go to a club. Since I was sitting on his couch at the time, he told his friend he’d go if I wanted to. I had a friend that was a dancer at another club, so I was comfortable saying yes. Slowly but surely, we worked out that I might be ok playing with another female, even though I had never done that before. Eventually, we were members of some local organizations, and the rest, as they say, is history. Maybe he might have more insight on exactly how it happened. To me, it really seemed as if it just… happened.